The Missing Remote

Our TV remote has been missing for a week now and by missing, I mean it’s fucking gone. I haven’t seen the damn thing in seven days and I don’t have the first idea what happened to it.

Josh first noticed its’ absence on Saturday when he asked me where it was. I shrugged and told him I had no idea; I hadn’t been able to locate it the night before. He was out playing Warhammer and I was home alone with Nellie. I remember her having it at one point and then it’s like aliens came and sucked away that specific portion of  my memory that contained the whereabouts of my remote control. They didn’t take anything else; not long division, not movie quotes, just what happened to the remote after Nellie had hold of it.

We searched high a low. We looked in all of Nellie’s usual hiding places: buried at the bottom of the toy box, under the couch, the seat of her ride-on toy but our efforts were fruitless. Still no remote. Josh started feeling very agitated about the whole ordeal whereas I found it kind of comical. He’d start looking, getting frustrated and asking me why I didn’t care that the remote was gone. I just figured that it would turn up eventually, someplace funny of course and we’d both get a good laugh out of the whole situation.

Well, a week later and there is absolutely no sign of the remote. It’s not the end of the world, we can still work the television but now I’m wondering..

Where the hell is the damned remote control?!

It’s like it vanished into thin air. Blinked out of existence. Teleported itself into a different dimension. Was abducted by goddamned remote control gnomes. I DON’T KNOW, BUT THE DAMN THING IS GONE.

It’s not so much the fact that we have to manually turn the TV on and off as much as not knowing what the crap happened to it. Josh gave me the side-eye the first few days that it was missing because I’m known to misplace things in odd places. Cell phone in the cabinet, sunglasses in the freezer, that sort of thing. But we’ve looked in every unusual place that we can find and have found no remote. I have no clue where the freaking thing is, but I hope that it re-materializes/comes back from its’ alternate dimension holiday/is returned by the gnomes before Josh and I both lose our minds.

Perhaps we should ask Nellie. This is the face of someone who knows more than she is letting on.