Social Media Detox

I haven’t been blogging much lately. I haven’t been Tweeting much lately. I haven’t been on Facebook much lately. I opened my Google Reader this evening and screamed in terror at the number staring me in the face.

The Internet and I have been strangers lately. I don’t know if it’s the medication, or the fact that I’ve been busy but there’s been a shift in my life. Where I used to spend a lot of time online blogging, Tweeting, and chatting and feeling disconnected from my “real” life the opposite seems to be happening now. I’m not blogging every other day. I’m not obsessively checking my blog’s stats. I’m not eyeballing other witty bloggers and Tweeters with envy, wishing that I had their following and their traffic. I’m feeling very disconnected from the little Bloggy Bubble I’ve put myself in for the past year or so.

Okay don’t get me wrong, I still wish that I were as funny as The Bloggess pretty much every time I read one of her posts, and I do get a tad green with envy when I see someone with one million and forty comments on something they’ve written but I’m not obsessing over it anymore. I think that I’m done. I think that I’m done worrying, stressing, and trying to achieve something that I just don’t think I’m cut out for. For a while now, I’ve been envious of “bigger bloggers” and the opportunities they get. Followers. Sponsorships. Free products galore.. And my jealousy and envy have been making me feel inadequate as a person. I’ve felt like I can’t “run with the big dogs” so to speak. That I don’t have what it takes and it’s been hurting my self-esteem. Laugh if you will but it’s easy to feel rejected when you try your best at something you like to do and it doesn’t seem to be enough to get you where you thought you wanted to go.

And you know what? Maybe I don’t have what it takes. Maybe I would with a little more effort. And maybe, just maybe, I don’t care anymore. Don’t get me wrong; this post isn’t bashing bigger bloggers or those who gets¬† fabulous opportunities because it’s awesome that others are getting all that stuff, and they totally deserve it because they work their asses off to build their blogs… I just.. I’m not in that place anymore. Do I get a little bummed when I don’t get a lot of feedback on a post? Sure. But I’ve found myself stressing out a lot less about it and just blogging when I feel like I have something to say, a story to tell, an anecdote to share.

People began reading my blog for a reason. Whether it was because they thought I was funny, because they empathized with my story and where I was in life or because they just felt invested in my journey but I feel I’ve lost sight of myself in this blog. I know I’ve written posts similar to this one but I’ve just felt sort of a shift inside of myself and don’t really care if I’m popular anymore. The blogosphere can feel like a big popularity contest, complete with cliques and snobs and all of that high school bullshit. It’s easy to feel inferior and let that actually affect you as a person. I’m done with all of that. If you like me, you like me and if you don’t, you don’t.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading, and continues to read my words. The fact that you care about me, what’s going on in my life, or even the fact that you like reading my attempts to be humorous means a lot to me. Everyone likes to be heard and I’m no exception.. But if things are a little more quiet around here, don’t be surprised. It’s all good, I’m just waiting until I have something to say.

Not to say that I won’t still do the occasional review or giveaway, of course. When something cool comes along sometimes you just can’t resist.