Shit My Toddler Says

So the “Shit my Blah Blah Blah Says” is still relevant, right? Right. Good, great, grand. Wonderful. Here’s some shit my toddler says.

Me: *walking on the treadmill after putting Nellie to bed*
Nellie’s Door: *knock knock knock*
Nellie: MAMA. MAMA!
Me: *gets off the treadmill. Opens her door* Yes, Nellie?
Nellie: Mama, you busy?

(I’m holding Nellie, crossing the street to take her to daycare)
Nellie: Mama, cars coming?
Me: No, Nellie, we made sure no cars were coming.
Nellie: …….. Batman coming?


Me: So I heard that the Avengers made like, over $200 million at the box office opening weekend.
Nellie: HO-LEE THIT!
Me & Josh: *muffled laughter and snorting*


Me: Nellie, you’re my sweet baboo.
Nellie: No. No, I not fweet baboon!
Me: You’re not my sweet baboo?
Nellie: No. I fweet chimpanzee.

Nellie: Daddy. I Frodo.
Josh: You’re Frodo?
Nellie: Yeah. And Bella {Nellie’s best friend} Sam.
Josh: Bella is Sam, huh? Who am I?
Nellie: Gollum.

(Nellie and I are in the grocery store. She has a cough.)
Nellie: *cough cough cough cough*
Me: You ok, baby?
Nellie *cough cough coughcough cough hack cough* GOLLUM! GOLLUM!
Me: *falls down laughing*


Me: Daddy, a boy kissed Nellie at school today.
Josh: What! Nellie, did a boy kiss you?
Nellie: Uh-huh. On forehead.
Josh: What! Who is this young man?
Nellie: Rocco.
Josh: Did you like when he kissed you on the forehead?
Nellie: Yah.
Josh: Are you going to let him do it again?
Nellie: Mmm hmm.
Josh: I need to know more about this young man. Does he have a job?
Nellie: Yeah.
Josh: Where does he work?
Nellie: Groceries.

What’s some funny shit that your toddler says?