I’m the Best Wife Ever

The Mama Kat Writer’s Workshop prompt that I chose is “list 10 things you’d like to get for your husband or dad for Father’s Day”.

Mama’s Losin’ It

At first I was like “well that’s a weird thing to write about. How the hell do I know what he’d like?” and then I was like “OK you’re his wife, you’ve been together for 8 years, you should know this”. And then I was like “hey remember that time you thought it’d be an awesome idea to get him a shaving cream warmer for a gift and he hated it? Yeah.”

I decided it can’t get much worse than a shaving cream warmer that makes your shaving cream 104 degrees and smell like feet, so I thought I’d give it a whirl. Here’s my list of Ten Gift Ideas for my Husband on Father’s Day.

1. A robot dog
2. A jet pack
3. A subscription to “women who are dressed up like female superheroes bringing him sandwiches” of the month club. Wait – does that exist? *scribbles down business idea* MILLIONAIRE.
4. A man-date with Will Smith, Ving Rhames, Christopher Meloni and Anthony Hopkins.
5. A giant cookie cake in the shape of the Millenium Falcon
6. A large ape or bear to battle
7. Nickleback to come to our house and play a personal concert just for him (this one is OBVIOUSLY a joke. Not only is it completely not feasible to get Nickleback to my house, but I wouldn’t subject my worst enemy to Nickleback. That’s just inhumane)
8. A complete viewing of the movie Alexander – uninterrupted by my rolling my eyes and snarky comments (I might have to be completely drunk for this)
9. A dragon
10. Four hundred and two sugar gliders

Looking back over this list, I can give myself a big ole’ nod of satisfaction. Clearly I am the best wife ever and deserve a trophy and all of the chocolate and vodka forever. Happy Father’s Day, honey!