Because of Bella


My daughter has an unusual excuse that she uses when she tries to explain her way out of something. When posed with the question, “Why did you do that?” a lot of children might rattle off a number of excuses, such as:

  • It wasn’t me.
  • I don’t know.
  • Because I did.
  • Because I was mad.
  • Because the thing in the closet told me to.

(P.S. if your child ever says that last one, move immediately. Nothing ever good comes out of a child saying something like that)

My child, however, likes to use this one:

Me: “Nellie. Why did you get in trouble at school?”
Nellie: “Because of Bella.”

Me: “Nellie, why did you throw that toy?!”
Nellie: “Because of Bella.”

Me: “Nellie! Why did you take off your Pull-Up and poop on the floor?!
Nellie: “Because of Bella.”

Bella is my best friend Rachel’s little girl. They are the same age. And apparently, Bella is Nellie’s scapegoat.

The other night, we were driving to the store when we discovered that Bella was at it again. Nellie was whining that her butt hurt. Nellie whines that her butt hurts a lot. I am pretty sure it’s her go-to “feel sorry for me” complaint, and I also suspect that she doesn’t really mean “hurt”. She says that when she has to pee sometimes, so I don’t think she really knows how to articulate having to pee.

So anyway, we pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and had the following exchange:

Nellie: “My butt hurts.”
Me: “Your butt hurts?”
Nellie: “Yeah.”
Josh: “Why does your butt hurt?”
Nellie: “Because of Bella.”

We rolled our eyes with a little laugh and decided to humor her.

Me: “Oh, really. What did Bella do that makes your butt hurt? Did she bite it?”

Nellie was silent for a minute, and then:

Nellie: “No. Bella bit me. On the penis.”

……………… Well that’s a HELL of a thing to accuse your best friend of doing, especially when YOU DON’T HAVE A PENIS FOR HER TO BITE. We’ve had discussions with Nellie about what parts she has, but clearly it’s time for a refresher course. And in the meantime, I think it’s time I had a discussion¬†with my friend Rachel about keeping her daughter’s teeth away from my daughter’s non-existent penis.