The Belly – 22 Weeks

I am very blurry in this pic, which is why my face is not shown. But here’s my belly at 22w1d.

Lack of Posting

I haven’t had much to say recently, and I have missed several weeks of my “weekly updates”…. Bad blogger, bad.

I’m sitting on the verge of allergies and a cold right now and I’m not sure which side is winning. All I know is that I’m going home early in case it is a cold, as to not infect my coworkers with whatever funk may be lurking. I am suspecting allergies, but I’m pregnant and don’t feel well so I’m going home a little early, damnit.

Life is good. I feel Nellie wiggle from time to time, though it’s not a regular thing. I’m not worried. I am fairly certain I have been graced with the presence of an anterior placenta which makes it difficult to feel your baby’s movements. I also have to remind myself that miss Nellie is still kind of small and has a relatively good amount of space in which to swim and float so her movements haven’t become regularly detectable yet. I envy mommies with normal placentas who can feel their little ones kick on a regular basis.

Our next appointment is 9/30 and we are lucky enough to get another ultrasound. We normally wouldn’t get one for several more weeks but Doc wasn’t able to get a good, clear picture of Little Miss Wigglebottom’s heart so she wants to try again when I’m 24 weeks.

I am 21 weeks pregnant. Wow. That still blows my freaking mind. When I saw that positive pregnancy test in May, I hoped and hoped I’d make it this far but it seemed so far away. Now I’m here… Just a few short weeks away from the 3rd trimester…. And even a shorter time away from the age of viability, where my baby could make it “on the outside” if something were to happen where she came early.

But that’s not going to happen. My daughter (so weird to say that) is going to stay right where she is until she is full-term. *pokes belly* That’s an order, missy, and I’m your mother. You have to listen to your mother. *nods*

Conquering Your Fear

I have finally gotten over a pregnancy fear of mine. During my entire first trimester, I wanted to drink coffee. I smelled it; I craved it, yet I avoided it like the plague. After losing our first baby, I was terrified of going anywhere near caffeine. What was even sillier was that I was terrified of going near DECAFFEINATED coffee! I abstained through my entire first trimester, and finally broke down when I hit the second trimester and had a cup of decaf.

I can happily say that I am now over my fear of decaf coffee! I’m sipping on a cup right now, though I don’t think I will finish it. Now that I’m 17 weeks pregnant, I feel like I can safely indulge in certain things. No, I don’t drink alcohol of course and drinking an entire caffeinated soda is out, but I will drink decaf coffee and have a sip of someone else’s soda if I’m really wanting a taste of some real Coca-Cola.

I’ve had friends of mine who have advised me that if I want a Coke, drink a Coke! If I crave a cup of coffee, go for it girl! I have also noticed that these women who give me this advice and encouragement have also never lost a baby, and therefore haven’t felt the burden of worry that mommies who have had miscarriages have. Now, I’m not saying that a woman who hasn’t experienced a loss doesn’t worry during her pregnancy. I’m not saying that at all. I am merely saying that a woman who has not been touched by a pregnancy loss has the benefit of being more carefree. When you haven’t had a loss, you are able to enjoy your pregnancy more because you aren’t counting the days until you’re past the milestone that was your first loss, you’re not constantly analyzing every twinge you feel just to judge if it feels similar to the start of your miscarriage.

Sometimes I envy women who haven’t had losses; yet at the same time I feel sort of grateful that I had to go through the experience. Crazy, I know. But everything happens for a reason and my loss changed me. It gave me a newfound insight and perspective that I never would have gained otherwise. I can now empathize with women who have had losses, and I now know the way to deal with it and what NOT to say. My heart goes out to ladies who struggle to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I know that desperate wanting of a baby and yet being unsuccessful month after month. I truly feel like, in a way, my loss was a gift given to me. I can be a source of support to other women who have gone through what I have and share my personal experience and offer hope. It opened my eyes. I miss the baby I lost every day, but as I said I believe that everything does happen for a reason. As hard as it was to accept that when I first had my miscarriage, I think that I finally have accepted it.

Speaking of our Green Bean, yesterday marked one year since my due date. It came and went, I thought about it and I thought about that baby. I wondered what he would have been like now, if he would be talking at all, walking, etcetera. Then I thought of the new baby inside of me and smiled.

Hubby and I chatted before going to bed last night with our hands on my belly, dreaming of what this little baby will be like. I said I think that this baby will be funny, and silly, and kind, and smart. When he or she is little, they’ll be silly/funny but when they get older, they will be witty. This baby will have a touch of mischief in their eyes always, but have a good heart. This baby has unlimited potential, and can be whatever s/he wants to be (aside from a serial killer, that much we agreed on. No serial killer for Gummi). Sometimes I forget to just stop and think about the little life that’s forming inside of me. It’s easy to do when you don’t feel movement yet, and your belly hasn’t yet swelled to the point of “looking pregnant”. I tell people all the time that I’m pregnant and yet, sometimes it doesn’t sink all the way in. I have to stop and think, oh yeah.. I’m making a human right now. And that thought never ceases to put a huge, goofy smile on my face.

Differences in 1st and 2nd Trimesters

Things that have gone away from the 1st Trimester:

  1. Morning sickness
  2. Badly broken out skin
  3. Overwhelming fatigue
  4. HORRIBLE heartburn

Things that have surfaced in the 2nd Trimester:

  1. Stuffy nose
  2. Sinus problems
  3. Sore throat
  4. Tense shoulders/neck
  5. Discomfort when standing for prolonged periods of time
  6. Increased shortness of breath
  8. Being taken over by a crazy woman who cannot control her mood swings
  9. An itty, bitty baby bump :)

The end.