Losing Green Bean – 2 Years Later

Today marks 2 years since we lost our first baby, whom I lovingly called ‘Green Bean’.

I found out that I was pregnant with GB on December 1st, 2007 after only one attempt trying to conceive. To say that we were excited is an understatement, as you can tell if you clicked on the link a few lines back. You were with us for a little over three weeks, baby. You were so small; so tiny. We got to see your heart beating on an ultrasound just three days before you had to leave us and I am so, so glad I got the chance to see you. I still have your picture in the frame we bought (“Watching You Grow, Loving You So”). It’s wrapped safely away in the Baby Looney Tunes blanket daddy got for you, and tucked away in a very special box. I’m wearing my Forget-Me-Not necklace in memory of you today.

I’m pregnant with your sister right now. This time last year was so hard, because not only was it the first anniversary and my heart was aching; not only from missing you but also because we still didn’t have a precious baby to love. You were the very first, Green Bean and nothing will ever change that. The day we lost you was one of the darkest, saddest moments of my life. You taught me so much, and having you for the short period of time defined me in ways I never thought possible. You changed my life, little one.. For the better, and forever. I will always remember and love you.

And again, here is Your Song, little one.. The one that makes me think of you every time I hear it.


Love, Always and Always,


Two Years Ago Today.

On December 1st, 2007 I was in the bathroom of our old 1 bedroom apartment, all dolled up and ready for my company’s Christmas party….. Staring in disbelief at a little pink plus sign on a home pregnancy test. It was my first BFP.

Josh was skeptical because it was faint. …. But only a little skeptical. He noted that I was faint and I assured him it didn’t matter. But he suggested I take another test first thing in the morning anyhow. That night at the Christmas party he and I snuck secret smiles back and forth as we both thought about what we suspected to be true. The next morning I tested and was not surprised to see another positive result. We celebrated that day; walking around with big goofy grins plastered all over our faces.

That was our Green Bean. Our first little baby. We were blessed enough to see that baby’s heartbeat, but that little one didn’t make it but a few days longer. He hung in there long enough for us to catch that fleeting glimpse. I still have the ultrasound picture. It’s tucked away in a box, wrapped in the blanket we bought for our first little bean. I was blessed enough to carry our baby for 22 days and then fate had other plans for him and he had to go.

Never forget you, little one, not for a second. <3

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