Send Out the Search Party

So I’m guilty of doing what a lot of other bloggers do: Obsessing over my blog’s traffic. I can’t help it. Once I installed Google Analytics, my life was pretty much over. I used to obsess over the slightest fall, and cheer over the teensiest rise in traffic.

One amazing thing about Analytics is the ability to tell where your traffic comes from, including terms people type into search engines. I’ve come across some really weird stuff that made me question the content I post here, and also, made me question my humanity a little.
I made that last part up, but whatever.

Here are some of my personal favorite terms folks have used to find my blog.

  • “hope springs eternal blog” – This one is pretty basic and the term that has the highest rate of folks using it.  Pretty harmless, pretty obvious. My blog used to be called Hope Springs Eternal, so this one kind of explains itself.
  • “hope springs eternal blog twilight” – This is pretty specific. Once I blogged about how ridiculous I found Twilight to be. Maybe I offended someone and they repeatedly had to go back and read the post and feel angry, but they couldn’t find an easy way to get to it? *shrugs*
  • “origin vitamins” – I used these for maybe 2-3 cycles when we were TTC. They turned my urine an alarming shade of yellow.
  • “$450 human touch foot & calf massager giveaway” – ….. what? I’ve never given away anything that is retailed at that high of a value, nor have I ever given away a foot or calf massager. So.. I’m not real sure about this one.
  • “angry badger face” This one probably pulls up this post. I love the fact that someone can Google “angry badger face” and pull up my blog.

It’s all downhill from here, folks.

  • “bengin ass” – boy, I bet these people were disappointed. I guarantee my blog was not what they were searching for.
  • “can a kid poop a bullet out”– I think you have more pressing issues to attend to than searching for things on Google, my friend.
  • “eating my face off”– it’s nice to know that my blog is well received by the zombie community.
  • “isn’t motherhood supposed to be fun?” – That’s what they say. Sometimes, they lie.
  • “she farts” – It’s true.
  • “smell her boots” – Again, not real sure that my blog is the droid you’re looking for, Mr. Boot Fetish.

As you can see, it’s a pretty strange and random selection of terms used to find my blog. It never, ever fails to make me laugh. And cringe. And sometimes throw up in my mouth a little bit.

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