Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me

I just had a slight meltdown in the bathroom here at work.

My coworker calls me, and announces that I have to close the library today, because he’s taking off the rest of the day so he can burn up his vacation time before the end of the month. Now, this isn’t a HUGE deal but it does mean that not only do I have to stay an hour later than I’m supposed to, but thanks to the craptastic parking here on campus, I have to walk down to the library, and then walk back to my car, as there will NOT be any parking spaces in the lot by the library.

So not ONLY am I going to have to stay an hour later, but I am most likely going to be even later than THAT, because it takes me about 10 minutes to walk from the library to where my car will be parked.

Awesome. Now, this wouldn’t bother me so much if someone had ASKED ME. Not TOLD me, ASKED ME. I asked my coworker while on the phone with him, “What if I hadn’t been able to close?” and he had no answer for me, of course. That’s not an option. The guy who normally closes the library will not stay an hour later and close, nor should he. He had to work through his lunch yesterday, and close. That’s not very fair to him.

What pisses me off, is that they did not ASK ME. They TOLD ME. I’m the frigging SITE SUPERVISOR, CONSULT WITH ME BEFORE YOU MAKE PLANS ON MY BEHALF. What if I’d had somewhere to be?! What if my husband could not get a ride home from work?! WHAT IF I HAD PLANS?! Apparently this DOESN’T EXIST IN MY WORLD.

Ugh. So I was getting so upset over this, I ran to the bathroom and put myself in a stall and started crying. Then I got to thinking about how I was over-reacting, and that it was the result of hormones. Then I realized that I was feeling a little crampy, and that meant AF was definitely coming, and I started SOBBING. I got so upset, because I’m STILL not pregnant, top that off with this stupid situation with work and I really just kind of lost it. I’m still seething, and on the verge of tears.

Let me make this clear: This staying until 6 thing is NOT that big of a deal. It really isn’t. On a normal day, I probably would be upset, and pissed, but not like this. It’s these stupid, stupid hormones, and the fact that I know what it means makes things even worse. That’s the really, really upsetting thing.

Woo boy. This day is just MADE OF AWESOME.

/end sarcasm

/end rant


Um, wow. I’m in a baaaaad mood today.

I wish I could say it’s a promising IPS, but I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve been having some OK ones; sore bbs, a little moody, bouts of queasiness, and a general “off” feeling. My temps are still hovering high, my CP is medium, medium texture, and it’s closed.
However, I’ve been feeling very dully crampy today. All day. It stopped briefly around lunchtime, but it’s been around all day. It’s just a very dull ache. I’m kind of hoping it’s implantation/pregnancy cramps, but I didn’t think that implantation cramps hung around for more than a few minutes. I fully expect to see AF in her full, horrible glory by Wednesday. *sighs*
I was feeling really good about this month, too. I’m in just a horrible mood today; everything is going wrong, everything is irritating the holy living snot out of me. I mean, every time someone opens their mouth to say something all I can hear in my head is “SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSTOPTALKINGNOW.”

Oh, to be a girl. Isn’t it FABULOUS?!
So, countdown to AF is on. I am expecting her anywhere between Wednesday and Sunday. If she doesn’t come by Saturday, I’m taking an HPT. But with this crampy feeling, I think she’ll be here sooner. I just don’t know.
If we don’t get pregnant this time around, I’m breaking out the big guns. I’m buying PreSeed, OPKs, and maybe even Instead Cups. I know that I may seem crazy, but I want to be pregnant. I’m sick and tired of seeing pregnant women and being angry, jealous, and sad. I’m tired of wandering through the aisles at stores, gazing wistfully at the baby clothes and wondering when it’s going to be my turn.
It was so easy the first time around, too. I estimated when I was set to ovulate, we had sex every other day, and bam. I was pregnant. Of course, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage, but the getting pregnant part was awfully easy.
I know I shouldn’t complain. This is just cycle #3. I haven’t had it as bad as some others.
But in the words of Inigo Montoya…
“I hate waiting.”