Okay, so I’m starting to feel some actual cramps, finally.

At this point I’m almost 100% positive I’m not pregnant (I know that sometimes women cramp, spot, and don’t get BFPs ’till their period is a week or more late) so I’m just glad that this cycle is finally realizing that it’s time to end, and time for a new one to begin. I am, of course, disappointed but at least maybe now things will get rolling so we can just move on to the next cycle of trying.

So much for hoping..

So last night, while lying in bed, I started getting these gigantic tap-dancing butterflies in my stomach. My period still hasn’t shown up, I wasn’t crampy at all yesterday, and my cervix is high and closed.

I couldn’t sleep because I started to maybe think that I really was pregnant, and not just annoyingly late. I began to think about how I was going to tell everyone, and the butterflies got worse. I was willing myself not to be excited, but it just wasn’t happening.

Well….. I went to the bathroom this morning.. And after wiping there’s orangish discharge. The kind I get at the beginning of AF. *sighs* I feel like such an idiot for having hope. I got two BFNs, I don’t know why the hell I was holding out so much hope for this cycle. I’m obviously just having an abnormally long cycle for me. Nothing to get all excited about.

I feel like crying.

I bought an big bottle of those Origin vitamins that everyone’s been talking about at TTCAM. I haven’t taken one yet, because they’re not for pregnant women and I didn’t know if I was pregnant or not. Once AF shows up I’ll start taking them.


*looks at watch*

OK, so I’m a moron and I tested again.

I tested this morning with FMU, and, as I suspected, BFN. Awesome.

So I’m about 99.9% sure I’m not pregnant, and now it’s just a waiting game for AF to get her happy ass here. I’m getting frustrated because this is a slightly longer cycle than I’ve been used to. Oy. Maybe those vitamins will help get things back to the way they used to be…. 28-29 days like CLOCKWORK.


Well, against my better judgement, I went to Walgreens on my way from dropping Josh off at his brother’s yesterday afternoon and bought a pack of 2 HPTs. I tested around 6:00 PM, and of course, was greeted with a


I’m so mad at myself for even testing. I told myself I wouldn’t test until Saturday morning if AF hadn’t shown up by then. Ugh. I was feeling relatively optimistic; I didn’t feel AF-ish really at all, so I thought maybe. But no dice. I’m expecting AF today or tomorrow so I figured that if I were pregnant, I’d get a BFP for sure. But no, BFN, BFN, BFN. Ugh. I was so upset that I stormed into the kitchen, threw open the fridge, pulled out a jar of green olives and gobbled like, 5 of them down. Don’t ask me why the hell I did, I just saw them and was like, “I’M EATING YOU NOW DAMNIT”.
I even went so far as to do something I’ve never done before; I pried apart the HPT to see the stick and make sure there were no hiding BFP shadows. I am truly ashamed of myself. *sigh*

Today I’m feeling kind of crampy, enough to where I brought some pads with me to work. So it looks like we’re going to be on to cycle #8, unless something miraculous and totally unexpected happens. I’ve been hearing a lot on TTCAM about these Origins vitamins. I don’t know what they’re supposed to do but I made a post this morning asking about them. I’m thinking about getting some PreSeed, unless these vitamins are supposed to help with CM.

I never dreamed that it’d take this long. Ugh.

Not looking good

I was feeling moderately hopeful last night, as my boobs were still swollen, sore, I was queasy on and off all day, etc.


This morning, I went to use the bathroom, and when I wiped… Pink. Pink, pink, pink.

AF is due today, I have a feeling she’s going to make her appearance late today, or tomorrow.

I saw that pink, and I started to cry. I don’t know why I keep getting my hopes up, month after month. I cannot comprehend why it was so easy for us to get pregnant the first time (we got it on our FIRST TRY), and now, here we are, about to move on to our SEVENTH TIME trying. I know that this isn’t horribly long in retrospect; some couples try for much longer, but still. I should have a baby right now, but I don’t. I lost my baby, and I’m sitting here spinning my wheels, trying trying trying for a baby, wanting desperately to see that positive on an HPT; longing for the day that I can feel my little one kick, see him or her on that ultrasound screen moving about; hold that baby in my arms.

When will it be my turn? Will it ever be my turn? It doesn’t feel like it will right now. I’m feeling so down, so sad, I didn’t even want to come in to work today.

And today is my husband’s birthday. *Sighs* I wanted to be able to tell him he is going to be a daddy on his birthday. Instead, I’m just sitting here, waiting for AF to show her stupid, unwanted, ugly head. I wish she’d just get on with it already instead of making me wait.

1 day to go

Well, I was feeling pretty down yesterday. I’d been feeling somewhat crampy and bloated on and off all day, and was pretty certain that AF was on her way. I’m really in a state of waiting; limbo right now, because part of me feels like she’s coming, and part of me doesn’t. I really don’t know what to think at this point.

My boobs are still swollen, veiny, and SORE. OMG, I mean, so, so sore. Josh commented on the size of them last night. Good Lord, do they hurt.

I’m feeling queasy again today. I wasn’t yesterday, but I am today.

However, I tested again this morning (I am now 13DPO).. Another BFN. I didn’t have much urine to give; I woke up at 2 AM needing to pee, so I broke down and used another HPT. Sure enough… BFN. But my line was faint, which tells me I didn’t have much pee and it wasn’t very concentrated.

So, ugh, I’m still in waiting limbo HELL! I’m just not sure WHAT to think at this point. I’m sitting here, queasy with sore boobs, but very mildly crampy at the same time. And I swear my cervix is more open than it was a few days ago, but I’m not 100% sure.

Thursday, hurry up! I’m goin’ nuts here.

Checklist of Suckage

OK, let’s see here:

  • Cramps? Check.
  • Bloating? Check.
  • Pinkish spotting? Check.
  • More cramps? Check.

Hello, Aunt Flo. I thought I’ve made it clear to you that you’re not welcome here anymore. But you just don’t get it, do you?

Well, if you’re coming, just get here already. Stop beating around the bush… And just do your thing.

No love,


Well, I just went to the bathroom and when I wiped, there was some pinkish/orangish on the TP. I’m feeling very full/bloated, so, AF is on her way.. Right on schedule.

I’m disappointed. I shouldn’t be, because I knew that I was out. But every month that she shows up is another month of disappointment.


Well, come on, AF. I know you’re on your way. Just get here, and get it over with already.


I want to eat my face off.


AF isn’t here yet, but she usually makes me starving when she’s coming so….. Ugh. Two more days until she’s due.

*chews on pretzels like there’s no tomorrow*

Randomly emotional

I find myself becoming “on the verge” emotional over little stuff the past 2 days.

When I say “on the verge” emotional, I mean that something I’ll read or see will make me feel very emotional, very quickly, to the point where I feel like it might make me cry and then it goes away almost as quickly as it came. This is almost definitely a sign of AF.

My appetite has also increased, and my temper and tolerance for other human beings around me have both decreased. Also, signs of AF. My boobs are ridiculously sore, though they are not any more swollen or puffy than usual.

All of these things are pointing directly to AF. At one point, I might have interpreted them as IPS; holding my breath with the hope that I am pregnant. But not this month. I’m fully expecting AF, all the symptoms are there, now it’s just a waiting game. Waiting for her to show and clear things out, so to speak, so we can move on to our next cycle of trying.

Of course, there is a slight chance that all of these COULD be IPS and I’ll get a big, fat, surprise in a few days. But I wouldn’t count on it.