Chicago, Concerts, ALL THE THINGS

Well, this is the longest I’ve gone without blogging here, I think. Like… Ever. It feels weird even typing; I feel almost estranged from my blog. No hard feelings, blog… Things have just been busy.

I’m still writing for, which takes up a lot of my free writing time and honestly a lot of my creative energy. My family and I went up to Chicago at the end up May for a glorious ten-day vacation to celebrate my brother’s wedding. We drove and it took a long time. The drive was pretty easy, though, so that was great!

I returned to Chicago last weekend for my little cousin’s wedding. Weddings forever! I have some great pictures to share of both occasions but will post those later.

I’m hoping to slowly get back into the swing of blogging here. I’ve got a few other freelance things that I’m juggling so when I come home and have time to do those things, it’s tough to find the energy to write here. I’ve got a new project coming up on the blog, though, so keep your eyes peeled! I’m really excited about it. I’ll give you a hint; it involves zombies. YAY ZOMBIES!

A few other highlights from life lately; I got to see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros in concert! To be perfectly honest, I was a little disappointed but the opening band – He’s My Brother, She’s My Sister – were INCREDIBLE. Speaking of concerts, I GOT MUMFORD & SONS TICKETS FOR SEPTEMBER. OH. MY. GOD. That happened. I’M GOING!

I’ll post more later on this week, mostly talking about the new project I’m involved in.



I am now, and have been for a few weeks, utterly uninspired.

I should have a thousand things to write about. It’s Christmas, for fuck’s sake. I should be writing posts about the twinkling in my daughter’s eyes as she takes in the joy and wonder of the season. Or waxing poetic about the magical glow of the lights on my Christmas tree. Or writing posts with step-by-step instructions on how to make a snowman out of fucking Dixie cups or some equally Pinnable shit like that.

I should be spilling my guts here. It’s the first anniversary of a traumatic experience; my emotions should be flowing forth from my fingers as they frantically peck away at the keys, trying to keep up with the words that are trapped in my head.

Instead, I’ve been opening up my laptop and staring at a fucking blinking cursor, willing myself to write but finding my word well completely dry. I feel like I don’t have the energy to come up with ANYTHING. I don’t feel depressed but the thought of writing anything now (besides this, obviously) just seems impossible.

I go through dry spells like this. It makes me wonder how the hell big bloggers constantly generate content that attracts readers. WHAT IS YOUR SECRET? I wonder if all bloggers feel this way from time to time, and how they get past it. Blah.

I’m trying to lose weight again. I went to the doctor the other day for a wellness checkup and to get some moles looked at (which earned me a dermatologist referral, by the way) and when I stepped on the scale, it screamed and inexplicably caught on fire.

Okay, that didn’t actually happen but the number did read the same as it did THREE YEARS AGO when I gave birth to my daughter. Want to know what that number is? Of course you do. That number was 209. TWO HUNDRED AND NINE POUNDS. I am five-foot-three. THAT IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS. I mean SERIOUSLY. Luckily everything else about me was healthy. Excellent cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar and all that jazz. I’m just a goddamn lardass.

As of now I am doing well tracking my calories, and am doing better with exercising. I am trying to take it one day at a time.

I feel muted. I want to think and talk about this time last year and I also don’t. So much contradiction.

I’ll be funny again soon, I promise. Hopefully. Maybe.


Wiggle Room

One of the worst things about losing weight is the tracking. The constant documentation of what I’m putting in my mouth. I have found this to be the most effective way to drop pounds, as it makes me accountable. When I see at the end of the evening that I’m already at 1,500 calories and my goal range is 1,460 – 1,800 I know that I don’t need that beer. I don’t need to eat a small bowl of ice cream. And while technically, at 1,500 calories a small bowl of ice cream wouldn’t put me over my goal range, I like to stay at the low end of the spectrum.

I’ve been effectively and diligently tracking my calories for about 5 days now and each day, I’ve been on the low end of my goal range. I hate keeping track of my food. It’s a pain in the ass. But at the end of the day when I look at those numbers, I feel satisfied and proud of myself.

The other thing I hate about losing weight this time around is that since I’m not getting any exercise and am relying solely on eating healthier to help me jumpstart my weight loss, I feel little to no place for wiggle room in my diet. Three years ago when I dropped 20 pounds, I was tracking my diet and exercising 4-6 days a week. I allowed myself one cheat day per week to eat whatever I wanted without tracking or feeling bad. It helped keep me sane and gave me something to look forward to. However, without that exercise I feel like a cheat day would be counterproductive. I’m thinking of allowing myself one cheat day every two weeks, or maybe even just one cheat day a month.

It’s the pits, because I love food. I love to eat. I don’t like watching what goes in my mouth but I guess I’m paying the price of being so complacent & lazy during my pregnancy. I looked fantastic pregnant but now that the shiny hair, glowing skin and adorable belly have been gone for almost a year I just look squishy. I do feel a certain sense of pride when I see that calorie tracker within my goal range. It does remind me, however, just how far I have to go. I am hoping that I can find some time somewhere to start exercising. It doesn’t have to be strenuous, even a 30 minute walk a few times a week would be an improvement from what I’m getting now.

Blah. All of you women who dropped the baby weight once your child was born & don’t really have to work at having a flat stomach suck. I say it affectionately, but you suck. My stretch marks and cellulite hate you just a little. Working at being fit & at a healthy weight BLOWS, especially when you have such a passionate love affair for food like I do. And beer. I like beer but I can’t justify drinking ANY with all this excess weight on me. I have had the occasional glass of white wine while I’m cooking dinner, but a glass of white wine is only about 70 calories.

Okay, bitchfest over. To sum up: I’m fat, I hate it, but I also hate tracking my calories. P.S., it just started snowing. Unrelated.

The end.

Feed Your Inner Rock Star (Pizza)

Do you order pizza?

Sure you do. Everyone loves pizza. Even when it’s bad pizza, pizza is still good. Unless there’s something weird on it, like pineapple & ham or anchovies. Then it is lame and gross. So I lied, not all pizza is good.

Aaaaanyway. Have you discovered the absolute joy, glee, and convenience of ordering pizza online? I have a weird anxiety about talking to people on the phone (and in person, but that’s a story for another post) so I mostly order pizza online. It began with Papa John’s but now Domino’s does it, too. I love ordering pizza online. It’s easy, quick, and I don’t have to talk to a single person.

Two weeks ago, my coworker R and I decided we wanted to split a pizza. I jumped online and ordered a delicious creation known as the Pacific Veggie pizza. This delightful pie has such marvelous ingredients as feta cheese, red peppers, black olives, onions, mushrooms, and unicorn tears.

I ordered our magical unicorn pizza online and once my order was confirmed, it took me to the Online Pizza Tracker and my excitement was amplified tenfold. Have you had the pleasure of tracking YOUR pizza online yet?


From the second your order is submitted, the Pizza Tracker informs you EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH YOUR PIZZA. It tells you when it was put in the oven, and by whom. Then it tells you when it was taken out, when it was being topped, and finally who it was being delivered by and what time they left.

Exciting, yes? IT GETS EVEN BETTER.

They now have THEMES from which you can choose. I chose the “rock star” theme, or some shit like that and ooh’ed and ahh’ed over the layout of my Pizza Tracker. I opened up a new tab on my Firefox browser and continued on with my work, when all of a sudden I hear someone scream at me from my computer,

And I screamed like a sissy girl because it scared the holy living shitballs out of me. I quickly realized it was coming from my Pizza Tracker and when I clicked on the tracker sure enough, it was informing me that my pizza was in the OVVAAAHHNN. I minimized the window again and resumed my work. I began hearing random explosions and sizzling noises coming from my speakers. Like any sane person would do, I immediately thought that my speakers were catching fire and would burn my entire office and everyone in it. Alarmed, I examined them and realized that, again.. Pizza Tracker. It’s lucky there’s no fire extinguisher nearby because my desk probably would have been covered in a white, foamy, mess(THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID! HA!).

Each time the Tracker would reach a new status (YOUR PIZZA’S OUT OF THE OVAAAAHNNN YEEEAAHH) it would scream at me and make explosion noises. In between the pizza going from being prepped, to the oven, to out of the oven my speakers would emit random hissing and sizzling noises.

I’d like to say that the experience was made of awesome but really, it just kind of freaked me out and made me wonder why I was being screamed at about the status of my feta cheese-covered fairy pizza.

There are other themes to choose from. I think one of them had a man and woman embracing so god only knows WHAT kind of sounds will come from THAT one.